Couples Coping with COVID-19 “I can’t believe we’ve only been quarantined for two days and I already can’t stand being with my partner.” “I’m glad that we’re together, but we’ve been so distant for so long that I’m not sure what this is going to be like.” “Either being quarantined together is going to bring…
Why He Watches Porn Instead of Having Sex This is my fifth in my How Sexuality Works series. Prior entries can be found at links below: Sexuality Is a River What is Erotic and Why? Part I What is Erotic and Why? Part II Are We Sexually Compatible Nature is efficient. Water flows in the…
This blog entry returns to my How Sexuality Works series which uses the metaphor of a river to help explain sexuality and eroticism. For prior posts in the series click the links below or skip below to read about sexual compatibility. Sexuality Is a River What is Erotic and Why? Part I What is Erotic…
My Relationship is Bad. Exit Or Stick Around? “How long should I stay?” is a question that I get sometimes in individual therapy clients and a little less frequently in couple therapy too. As a therapist, I can’t answer for the client but I do have ways of helping my clients answer the question for…
Eight Ways to Avoid Holiday Arguments and Keep the Peace Every holiday all over social media I see snarky posts about the yearly tradition of arguing during the holidays. Maybe it is no surprise then that right after New Year’s Day couples therapist offices like mine are flooded with new clients seeking help for issues…
Bored in Bed? Place an Order With This Sex Menu This is a little tool that I created to help couples stuck in a sexual rut. Follow these instructions so you can create your sex menu while you read along. Take regular sheet of paper, hold it with the long edge toward the bottom (landscape…
Befriending the Dragon: Decreasing Relationship Reactivity In attempting to help clients figure out how to decrease relationship reactivity during their relationships, I’ve come up with a metaphor that helps people begin practicing a more confident and peaceful responses. Before I get to that, I’ll describe high reactivity through the same metaphor. Imagine that your partner…
The most common presenting issue I hear is a need for “communication skills”. From my perspective, having done this work for a number of years, is that communication problems are often a result of attachment challenges. That is, the couple is caught in a dance that reflects their individual attachment styles. While there are three…
How to Get Over Resentments Resentments can poison a relationship slowly over time. For that reason it is very important to remove past resentments and to stop the process that is creating new ones. Maybe it will come as no surprise that dealing with resentments is a common problem that I help with in couples…
Couples Counseling Works: When and Why It is common for people who haven’t been in couples therapy to wonder if it works or not. Given that the reason I love my job is the rewarding feeling I get when I help a couple improve their relationship, and that this happens regularly, I wanted to offer…