What Does “Good Boundaries” Mean Anyway? It is almost cliché to say that mature people have “good boundaries”. But what does that even mean? Some people with “poor” boundaries let others take advantage of them, while other “poor” boundaried people take advantage of others. Yet having “good” boundaries doesn’t just mean the opposite of those…
Sometimes I hear from one member of a couple that their partner is making a mountain out of a mole hill. This usually is said dismissively. A justification is then given to cast the partner as unreasonable. I’m going to review some of those reasons in brief, refute each of them, and end with a…
When prior couples therapy failed and I am the next therapist, it is a different situation than when someone comes to me for individual therapy after prior individual therapy failed. While many therapists helping individuals have a specific therapeutic orientation (e.g., CBT or psychodynamic), there are few couples therapists who work exclusively in one model.…
This is the final installment in this three part series on the most common interventions that I use in couples therapy. In this blog post I present four final interventions: Attend to the Relationship Ecology, Nonviolent Communication, Forgiving Injuries, and Sensate Focus. Attend to the Relationship Ecology Especially given that I see couples in Silicon Valley, I often see…
This post continues my previous post in identifying the most common interventions that I use in session to help clients in marriage therapy or couples therapy with me. Once I typed up the remaining seven common interventions, I found that they were too long for one post, so I’ve made this a three part installment.…
Sometimes when I speak with a potential client they ask how couples therapy helps. This blog entry is designed to give you an idea of what I actually do during my sessions and how each intervention helps the couple get out of the negative pattern that brings them to my office. In this post I…
I want to dedicate this entry of my blog to my polyamorous friends and clients. Most of my clients are monogamous and I happily support them in protecting and affirming the viability of their monogamy and I have also had some poly clients and this entry intends to support and affirm them. In a recent…